The love of Grandparents

Saturday 1471 – 19th May 2012

Last Saturday I wrote about the trip I took up to Kew Gardens. I had a great day really enjoying myself amongst all that flora… nothing like losing yourself with a bit of nature. What I had forgotten to mention was that there was a glorious bluebell area and I could smell the bluebells. Yes I did say SMELL the bluebells. Now unless you have been following this blog for a while you won’t have the faintest idea why that is so great but as I wrote about here  I haven’t had any sense of smell for many ,many months. I am very pleased to be able to say there is now some improvement and some days I am able to smell if the smell is quite powerful

However I think I rather overdid it ( NO ! not the smelling !) as I was exhausted and felt very flat the next day but I have to say that my photography and keeping my 2 blogs going has been good therapy for me. It’s given me something to focus my energy on and I can become completely absorbed in it. A wonderful escape from stresses and strains. Actually is that really a good or a bad thing? I wonder…

Back to this Saturday. Well I spent it sort of hanging about really.  It’s been a very difficult week all round.  Late on Monday I discovered that my mum was in hospital ( the hospital is 4 hrs drive from me and I haven’t been to see her yet) On Tuesday I had an electrician and double glazing workman in the house  and later in the day heard that my late ex-husbands mother had died at the age of 96. I’ll come back to this a bit later.

Again as some of you will know if you’ve been following my blog I’ve been off work with stress related illness ( I wrote about it here ) and on Tuesday morning I had visited my GP because I didn’t feel as though I was improving. She prescribed some meds ( I had been resisting) which of course made me a bit drowsy for a few days which is why I haven’t seen my mum yet. Then on Thursday 2 more workmen arrived to refit my bathroom, put new floor in, tile etc.. They are still here. Great workers and very friendly but you know how it is, your home no longer feels like your own.. in and out, in and out they go and it’s bloomin cold here still, even though it is mid May.. but I am glad to be getting it done.. I bought all the materials in the January sales of 2011 !!! so it’s about time.

Anyway later when the workmen were gone I packed up a few things because I’m going to visit my mum tomorrow and will stay overnight in a B&B so that I can see her on Monday too and talk to the Consultant. As any of you who are single will know it is VERY expensive to go and stay in a hotel or B&B.  Single supplements…. grrrrrrr.

Enough of all that and back to my ex mother-in-law Jane or Jennie as she was known and her husband Jim.

Here’s an old photo of  them both ( Jim also lived to 96) taken many years ago and scanned in  – it seems to be the only one of the 2 of them that I have on the computer and I think it was taken by my daughter on her little camera.  I’m sure I have better photos of them somewhere but not on the computer and anyway this is really how they were.

Jim and Jennie were the salt of the earth type of people, hard working farmers and deeply religious ( we didn’t see eye to eye on that one)  They had a very happy marriage indeed and I wanted to  pay my little tribute to them because they were the best grandparents children could ever hope to have.

Jim was always funny and came with a sweet or 2 in his pocket; Jennie was always there with a kiss and a squeeze for them. They both loved my 2 to bits and of course they had their faults but who doesn’t ?  They were very well-known in the little Irish village where they lived and surrounding area especially Jim who ,as I experienced when I first met him, would always give you the Irish version of the Spanish Inquisition. He knew everything about everybody but there was no malice in him. he was just naturally nosey!!

It feels like the end of an era and hard for my 2 as they had to go back to Ireland for the funeral which was held yesterday. I had been separated from their father since 2000 and it would not have been appropriate for me to go but the reports I had back from my friends, who also attended, was that they carried themselves with great dignity with my daughter speaking at the funeral. I’m even more proud of them than I usually am, particularly because over the last  5 years they have lost first their grandfather followed soon after by their father, an only child,  and now their grandmother.  Not easy for them and they have coped remarkably well ; being the very best of friends has really helped them. 

Just before I go I’d like to show you another photo  which shows my son aged 4 on the morning of his first school day. It’s always been a favourite of mine even though again the quality is not good and it shows how untidy the house was! . I think you can see that Jim has a mischievous smile.

He certainly managed to retain a  childlike quality. 

Have  you ?

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Saturday girl signing off .. see you next week. 

P.s. If you don’t already know I also have a daily photography blog called Helen’s Photomania which you can find here I hope you’ll pop over and take a look

“All places are alike, and every earth is fit for burial” – Andrew Marvell

Saturday 1474 - 28th April 2012

Last weeks post was about the joyful wedding of 2 friends of mine and on Photomania a couple of weeks ago I showed photographs of my friend and her 4 week old baby Lily-Rose   so that’s 2 out of  the 3 of Births , Marriages and Deaths. Seems almost inevitable then that this week I’ll be covering death!

When you get older and in my case because my father died at 68, my brother at 53 and my ex-husband at 59, it’s inevitable that you do sometimes think about death and where you might want to be buried or indeed if you want to be buried at all ( This post isn’t going to be morbid so don’t worry! ) 

I have always been pretty adamant that I didn’t want to be buried but rather cremated and I’m still sticking to that but I want to tell you about a place that I regularly pass to and from work. ( the photos were all taken in February)

It’s called The Arbory Trust and it’s a Woodland Burial Ground that is also a member of the Association of Natural Burial Grounds .

Take a look at The Arbory Trust’s website here

The Woodland Trust is a Christian charity but as the Trusts literature states they “ warmly welcome everyone, regardless of race, religion, geographical or theological boundary, and you are assured of a warm, caring service at all times from our well-trained staff.”  

 One winter’s day I took a trip there with my camera, to have a walk round and find out more and spoke with a member of staff who arrived during my visit ( there isn’t someone there all the time) and she was so very welcoming and friendly. There is a very beautiful wooden lodge there, which was opened by David Bellamy, OBE, where services of whatever religion or none can be held and there are also memorial books .

I found it to be a profoundly beautiful and peaceful place. The burials take place in glades surrounded by trees and over 20,000 trees have been planted on the nearly 40 acre site since 2000.  The glades have plant names such as Sweetbriar, Honeysuckle and Foxglove

 

So what did I particularly like about this idea?  For me it was that everything used has to be biodegradable, the coffin ( so no brass handles or plaques) , the flat wooden plaques that can be used to mark the grave, the flowers ( thankfully no plastic allowed) and even the benches. So graves are not permanently marked but are recorded by survey so staff could tell where the exact spot is. Grave space can also be reserved by making a half or full payment. In time the woodland will become just that, a natural classic British wood.

People cannot actually plant a tree at their loved ones grave but can sponsor a tree at the site. I love that the trees are all native and I saw Oak, Ash, Wild Cherry, Silver Birch and Yew to name but a few. Graves are sprinkled with grass seed and wildflower seed and I’m looking forward to going back to visit throughout the seasons.

There are apparently over 260 natural burial sites around the country ( in the UK)  and if you are interested in finding out if there is one near you take a look at The Natural Death Centre’s website here

I will end with a quote from the Arbory Trusts website which sums it up.

“Woodland burial is a centuries-old practice which is justifiably enjoying a great revival. As people become more aware not only of their responsibility to the environment but also of their ability to choose where their ultimate resting place will be, more and more are turning to woodland burial, where their impact on the environment is less than that of cremation, and where they know they will rest in an increasingly beautiful, natural setting which their family and friends may return to with pleasure as the years pass.

The idea that we can create a living memorial by encouraging new woodlands, and in doing so we can leave something that will be enjoyed by our great-grandchildren, is considerably more appealing than opting for the often very impersonal, crowded environment of more traditional cemeteries, with serried ranks of graves and headstones.”

So have I changed my mind about being cremated… Hmmm I’m not sure but I may not need to worry as you can have your cremated remains buried in a grave space at the Arbory Trust too.

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And when the stream that overflows has passed,
A consciousness remains upon the silent shore of memory;
Images and precious thoughts that shall not be
And cannot be destroyed.

William Wordsworth, from The Excursion .

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 I know I have a lot of followers and readers in America so if you are interested in this you might like to look at this website The Green Burial Council  

In Canada – The Natural Burial Association  

In New Zealand – Natural Burials

I’m sure there are many others in different parts of the world too, get googling!

Goodbye from Saturday Girl until next week or join me every day on my other blog Helen’s Photomania here   where you’ll find lots more photos.

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